Science, Art, Litt, Science based Art & Science Communication

General Qs and my replies - Part28

Q: How can I give answers like you do?

Krishna: Very easy! Gain tremendous knowledge in a scientific way. Think critically. Get clarity on everything . Be empathetic. Not easy? :)

Q; Daily I dream of becoming a scientist like you. How can I realize my dream?

Krishna: Stop dreaming about it and start working.

Q: Our culture says, 'respect elders'. But sometimes I find it difficult to do so. Why?

Krishna: Culture is a way in which human beings represent their lives to themselves in symbolic systems. Culture includes the concepts, habits, skills, art, institutions, instruments and so on of a given people in a period of time. Culture is a composite of different aspects: rituals, habits, skills, art and way of life. When originated in ancient times it denoted primitive thinking. This can be good, but they can also include elements of evil.

'Culture' is also base for evils like Sati, child marriages, genital mutilation, superstitions, and several other things. How can we respect such evils?

Recently a person from Africa (1)complained about his culture. It seems many tribes and cultures in East Africa practise the “last funeral rite” ceremony during which people construct small tents where adults sleep. These adults then have to “replace” the deceased through the act of “sex” in the small huts. To me, as a Christian, that is practising fornication and adultery, which violate the Decalogue.

Some initiation ceremonies can be problematic, too. Initiation rites witness transformation of a boy into a man and a girl into a woman. These may include circumcision; what might be called genital mutilation.

In some tribes, such as the Sebei and Gisu in Uganda, the circumcision ceremony is followed by some cleansing rituals that involve “sex with a virgin girl”. These initiations are also followed by trial marriages to taste virility/virginity and fertility; these do not conform to the Christian teaching.

In addition, in our cultures, witchcraft is in fact more sacrificing to evil spirits and to the gods. These are in contradiction to the first commandment.

In all cultures, the evils are caused by selfish wants and needs, including witchcraft and fornication. Therefore we may ask: is it culture that is evil or do we, the owners of culture, attribute evil to culture?

One of my friend's husband's family members are very orthodox. According to them, my friend, as a daughter-in-law and youngest member of the family, should eat last after feeding everybody. 'It is respecting the elders according to our culture', they say. But my friend suffers from migraine and gets it if she doesn't eat on time. One day after a long wait for food and unbearable migraine pain, she ate her meals along with other family members. Then her father-in-law scolded her before everybody like anything. I tried to explain to him the situation but he didn't listen to me. He thought my friend and I didn't respect our culture. Hmmm!

Yes, we don't respect such a culture and elders who refuse to understand others' health problems and difficulties. There isn't anything wrong with it.

Respect should be earned. Had my friend's father-in-law understood the helplessness of my friend and cooperated, I would have given him respect. Although I greet him with a namaste every time I meet him, neither he nor I am comfortable in each others' presence.

If culture causes you discomfort, and elders' 'orders' make things difficult for you, you don't feel like respecting them. That is normal human nature. Don't worry too much about it.

Q: A person I know ill-treats me because he became suddenly rich and thinks as I belong to low economic status, I am 'cheap'. He very often reminds me of my status and doesn't leave a single opportunity to belittle me. I need his help. That is why I am putting up with his harassment. But how can I make him realize his mistakes?

Krishna: Why can't we get rid of the thought "I need his help"? Most often we delude ourselves with this type of thinking. Just get rid of this dependence and you will see magical things happening before your eyes.

You will become strong and start helping yourself by finding other ways and means to achieve what you want.

Your dependence on this person is making him act in an arrogant way. Just make him realize you don't need him anymore, he would understand how insignificant he is.

Q: One of my senior colleagues has been harassing me for the past few months. How can I deal with him without jeopardising my career?

Krishna: "Position". That is a poison that corrupts minds and makes people think they are the kings that rule empires and therefore can get away with anything.

That is why several women meet these type of situations day in and day out.

Most women face these things in their daily lives

Unwanted jokes, gestures, offensive words on clothing, and unwelcome comments
Touching and any other bodily contact such as patting a coworker’s back and grabbing
Repeated requests for dates or unwanted flirting
Transmitting or posting emails or pictures of a sexual or other harassment-related nature
Displaying sexually suggestive objects, pictures, or posters
Playing sexually suggestive music

Keeping quiet will make these 'uncrowned kings' more daring. Telling them firmly or atleast sending very strong hints that you despise such behaviour is the only way to put breaks to these unwanted behaviours.

From the beginning itself you should have zero-tolerance and firmly say "NO". A 'no' means a 'steely no'. Don't send any mixed signals.

Involve your other colleagues too, if needed. Avoid situations where you need to be alone with this person as much as possible.

Start by confronting your harasser and letting him know that his comments or actions are not welcome.

If the person continues harassing you after you've told them clearly that his behaviour is not welcome, it's typically best for you to find a way to get away from him as quickly as possible. In situations where it isn't possible for you to completely leave, try to put as much space between you and your harasser as possible

If the person doesn't stop - most men don't take the hints seriously, some even if you tell them directly - let his wife and children, parents and your higher authorities know about it. Pressure from 'inside' will have some effect on men. If no action is taken at this level or the harassment continues despite it, go to the police or you can file a complaint with National Commission for Women. The Commission will take up your case with your employer/concerned organization to monitor the proceedings of your complaint as per the mandatory provisions of the Harassment at Workplace Act, 2013. 12.

If the harassment doesn't stop despite all this, you have to choose between your job and your peace of mind.

You can find another job or can start your own business.

But never ever tolerate harassment. Don't show any signs of weakness.

Footnotes:

1. https://www.scross.co.za/2019/01/is-culture-evil/

Q: We have a few problems in our family. People around us talk about them. We feel very uncomfortable about it. How can we make them stop doing that? If we solve our problems do they stop talking about us?

Krishna: Everybody has problems. Show me a single person who doesn't have them. You are not unique in this aspect.

People who don't have much work to do will talk about silly and unimportant things. It is their inadequacy, not yours.

You feel uncomfortable because

1. You have problems and you are unable to solve them. You are stressed because of this.

2. You think people talk about them. Do they? Don't they? Are you certain about anything?

3.You think too much about others 'talking about you'.

4. You want people to stop talking about you.

If you solve your problems do people stop talking about you?

NO!

Let me tell you my story. Despite being what I am, I do everything at home myself. I go to the market too to get things. I carry lots of weight and don't use any vehicle. I never think about what others might think about me. Even while walking on the road, I think about my lab work.

But when my neighbours and people around who I don't even know started asking me questions like, " Why do you carry so much weight? Why do you walk such long distances? Why don't you use a vehicle? Isn't there anybody to help you?", I realized these people think and talk more about me than I myself do!

I smile and tell them, "Don't worry, this road is my Gym. I am doing weight lifting and other exercises here. This is the secret of my health".

The truth is some people will never stop talking about you even if there are no real problems. This is your country and culture. Let them talk. Even if your problems are solved, they will search for new ones.

Stop thinking about them and start solving your problems to reduce your own stress, not to make them stop talking about you.

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