General Qs and my replies to them - Part 34

Q: My guruji, who is an enlightened person, says we should listen to what the elders say, especially what the enlightened  say. But your views are different. Who should we listen to?

Krishna: A truly  enlightened person never says 'listen to others without thinking and questioning things'. 

If he says that he is really not enlightened in the correct way. 

You have a mind to think. Then think and do what is right. 

Q: Why do people sometimes ridicule us even if we are right and they are wrong?

Krishna: The lack of understanding amplifies the already existent insecurity of self.

To cover their failures, some people some times try to escape by belittling others. Ego? Yes! Often those who feel inferior attempt to masquerade their insecurities under a cloak of arrogance and contempt to veil their ignorance. The things that complicate this situation are

1. Ignorance. Ignorant people have trouble understanding that there are perspectives beyond their own. Subconsciously, they believe that the way they see the world is the only way one can do so. When an alternative point of view is given, these people can't interpret it and they get defensive
2. Strong opinion. When someone has a strong opinion about something, it's more than an opinion to them, it's part of who they are. Part of their personality. When faced with a different opinion, the ego goes into defense mode to protect the rest of the personality from something unknown.

3. Fear: They  may also feel threatened by what they don't understand. An attempt to learn more about it might reveal their ignorance. They don't want that.

4. Laziness. Seeking to comprehend something means they might be called to action. Why not just keep looking busy and more informed by ridiculing?

But ... 

There may be a psychological reason why some people aren’t just wrong in an argument — they’re confidently wrong. 

According to a study published last year in the journal Plos One, it comes down to believing you have all the information you need to form an opinion, even when you don’t. 

“Our brains are overconfident that they can arrive at a reasonable conclusion with very little information”. 

And facts and evidence don't change peoples' minds.  

All sorts of people exist in this world. But the problem with ridicule is others who are watching and ignorant themselves might think just because the person is loud, he is right! To counter that sometimes we will be dragged into arguments even if we don't like them. Because keeping quiet gives the person a stamp of 'correctness' in an ignorant world.

It really is a difficult situation and negotiating it comes with some sort of inconvenience. 

Q: Ma'am, nobody understands my POV. After reading some of your answers here, I thought you might understand me.

Yesterday was valentine's day. All my friends said love and physical intimacy brings happiness and boosts  my health. But I don't feel comfortable when I am with any man. The thought of physical intimacy doesn't resonate with me at all. How can such uncomfortable situations bring happiness?  

Mine is not phobia. Please understand that. 

Krishna: I can fully understand your situation. 

A fear becomes a phobia when it becomes so intense and irrational that it significantly disrupts your daily life, causing you to actively avoid the object or situation that triggers the fear, even if you recognize the fear is unrealistic; essentially, when your life starts to revolve around avoiding the source of your anxiety. 

But a well thought out act is not phobia. I think this was what you meant when you said yours was not a phobia. I am sure you resolved the problem in your mind. 

If you say you are not comfortable with love and physical intimacy, I am pretty sure, you have your valid reasons for saying so. 

You need not give anybody any explanations then. Your life is yours. If something makes you uncomfortable, you need not go for it for others' sake or on others 'advice' or just because everybody else is doing it. If yours was a well thought out decision, stick with it. If it makes you happy, your choice is right. 

You can revisit your choice if the situation changes in the future. 

Nobody has any right to question you now.