Q: A person is stalking me. How can I get rid of him?
Krishna: Different situations and different people demand different strategies.
I can only give advice based on my own experiences.
I use three game plans.
1. Become a boulder! Just pretend you 're a rock and didn't notice any of the stalker's advances.
90% of men/boys give up soon if you don't respond in any way.
However, I must tell this extraordinary story too.
One person stalked me for eight years (2years of my PG, 4 years of PhD and 2 years of post doctoral research). He used to follow me daily on his two wheeler from the main road bus stop to our life sciences building of our university which is two furlongs away. Twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. It was a deserted route with a forest-like atmosphere.
He used to come near me sometimes, say something too. I pretended I never noticed his presence. Never responded in any way.
How does a boulder respond to the things happening around it? I was just a stone in his presence. Despite my turning a blind eye, he didn't give up. He stalked me for eight long years following me like a bodyguard.
When I left the university, he must have given up. But nothing came out of his dedicated following. I wonder why this odd person followed me for such a long time despite my disregard.
2. Become a spear
Some boys don't give up even if you don't show any interest in them. 8% of men try to proceed further. They come to you and directly express their affection/love. If you are not interested, tell them that straight-forwardly.
Don't give any mixed signals. That emboldens them and they don't leave you.
Your 'no' should be a very firm and big NO.
One guy cried when I said 'no'. I was shaken a bit. A good man crying before her for her love makes any woman feel a bit bad. But I had a goal. A firm conviction. I didn't want to move even an inch from it. That made me very strong mentally. I didn't waver.
We are still good friends as the guy understood me well later although he felt bitter initially. I thank him for that.
But some men become very angry and try to take revenge. About 2% of men come in this category. That is where you should be careful and
3. Become a tigress. Fight fiercely. Rip them apart. Take the help of friends, elders and the police, if needed.
This is where I want to mention a story where I even got death threats.
I make friends only with good people, not with Royals or Billionaires. Some of them are really dangerous. Like this Hollywood producer, I don't want to mention his name - he threatened to kill me if I didn't become his girlfriend! He was a Hollywood producer of films (with some members of Royal families as his friends ) and a millionaire and nephew of a President of a country but not good! I didn't know he was like that in the beginning. He told me he would buy my artwork as he liked it very much. Then slowly he told me he would help me in selling my work and also said he would launch me on a big scale in the art world. He joined one of my networks.Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was old about sixty years old - I treated him like my father - when I told him this he got angry and threatened to kill me by sending hit squads to India!
I tried to talk some sense into him. He didn't listen.
Then I told this to our common friends. They warned him to back off.
He backed off but had a grudge against me till his dying day. Yes, he died of a drug overdose six months after this incident had happened. I still have his messages and mails in my in box as proof.
I didn't get frightened despite his death threats. I learnt a lot from this experience.
What does this tell you? You have to be very strong as a girl/woman.
To deal with so many stalkers, suiters, friends, classmates, colleagues and everybody who shows unwanted interest in you.
That might act as a distraction from your education and other goals. It is a part of life. Face it, need I add the word 'courageously' here?
I hope girls like you could learn something from my experiences and that is why I told these stories.
Q: Is expressing your love to a girl wrong?
Krishna: No, it is not wrong. But not accepting what the girl says and harassing her for her decisions is wrong. Before expressing your love, prepare for the consequences and both a yes and a no. And respect a girl's right to say no.
Q: How can I guess whether a girl likes/loves me?
Krishna: Don't even try to guess. :) Unless a girl tells you directly that she likes you or loves you, there is no assured way to know any girl's mind.What you might think are clues , need not be clues at all. You might go wrong most of the time with guesses. That causes inconvenience to both of you.
At least it caused me inconvenience several times.
Q: I am a man. I read your reply to a girl on stalkers. Do you think men should be treated like a blade of grass? Don't we have a heart or a mind? Don't we have feelings?
Krishna: Did I say that? NO!
Yes, men are human beings and they have feelings too. They might have a heartache when a girl says 'no'.
Do you think girls don't feel anything when they say 'no'? They do, if the guys they are rejecting are good!
I wrote a poem titled "To all the men who loved me" apologizing for causing their heartache. I didn't publish it though. Now I feel I should. Okay, I will do that very soon! If you read it you will understand
how bad we too feel to say 'no'. But then we can't help doing some things.
If we keep saying 'yes' to everyone who shows interest in us just because they feel bad if we reject them, where does that lead to?
But .... when we say 'no', there will always be a very good reason for that. Men should understand that women have every right to say no. Men should accept it with dignity, understand the reasons behind it and move on. I know this is a bit difficult to follow but if you realise that girls and women are human beings with equal rights, you will be able to do that.
You are human beings, like me, with hearts, minds, neurons, hormones and feelings brought by them. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't think about girls and their feelings too. Their thinking, goals, aims, convictions, priorities, preferences, aspirations, dreams, likes , dislikes and all the things that are responsible for a 'no'.
Romantic Love is only a part of life. Not life itself. It shouldn't be given more importance than it deserves.
For some people there might be more predominant reasons to live their lives.
When our ways can't meet, parting or 'parallel' walking becomes inevitable. Guys should have a big heart to accept this reality.
Q: How can I know whether a girl likes me or not?
Krishna: You can't guess unless the lady herself directly tells you! Don't try to imagine things because most of the time you will go wrong! This will cause inconvenience to both of you.
Q: I am in love with a girl. I think of her all the time. I cannot marry her now. The problem is I am still a student. But this is affecting my studies. What should I do?
Krishna: The problem really is your biology staking against you! Your age, your biochemistry - your hormones influence your mind a lot.
And if your brought up, surroundings too side with your biology that will become a recipe for a good ' 'Indian movie story'.
That is where parents, family members, friends and relatives and your own mind can 'help you'.
Love is just a part of life, not life itself. Your studies and career too are important. If you fail in the exams and can't get a good job, the girl and her parents might reject you.
So think about the girl but just for a few minutes. Then open your books and concentrate on what you are studying. Get this right: You can't risk failing both in the exams and life too. You have to get good marks, ranks and land a good job and then only you can succeed in life so much that nobody can reject you.
So succeeding in love depends on succeeding in controlling yourself, concentrating on studies and job. If you ignore the latter, you can forget about your love!
Did I scare you? Yes, you need to get scared sometimes! :)
Q: Why do we lose confidence in ourselves when we get old?
Krishna: Confidence in what?
You gain more confidence in your cognitive abilities as you get old. This is because You gain more knowledge and experience.
Yes, you might lose some confidence when physical abilities are involved.
This is because you won't be as strong physically as you were young. Moreover, several health issues take their toll on your confidence.
Your children might leave you and go in search of greener pastures. When your family breaks up and when there is no one to support you emotionally, your confidence wavers.
That is why in old age several people go the religious way frequently to get some sort of emotional support from "GOD".
Q: Why do you give replies to general topics too?
Krishna: When people need me and my help, how can I say 'no'?
They approach me because they got connected to me in an emotional way. They see me 'as their own person', feel I am one amongst them.
This attitude of these people helps me in my science communication too! :)
This is what art world taught me. To get 'connected to' people to succeed.
Q: My brother helps everybody around. He always goes out to do social service. However my parents and I think he should give more importance to his own family. How can we convince my brother about the importance of our family?
Krishna: If that is your problem and Q, you are putting this Q to a wrong person!
Because I would support your brother and not you!
Because I treat this whole world as my family!
Everybody in the world is my relative. I see everybody as my own image!
If he helps who you treat as 'others' are not others but your own relatives - people belonging to a single human family.
There are no separate words like 'I, myself , we, ourselves, or them, they ....
If your brother is helping everybody around, he is doing the right thing without showing any discrimination. I am happy to hear that.
It is you who should realise this thing called 'universal brotherhood'.
It is you who should change your thinking, not your brother.