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QS people asked me on general topics and my replies to them- part25 - understanding others

Q; People say "If we think from others' point of view, we can eliminate misunderstanding", how far  is this true?

Krishna: I try to do this all the time.  This definitely helps you improve most situations and their outcomes. 

But know what? You can understand people well in this way. But if they are thinking in a wrong way and refuse to get corrected, you feel bad and miserable. Because you want the situation to improve desperately.  Let me explain with the help of  examples.

One of my friends was pregnant one year back.. She was suffering from several complications. Her in laws 're highly superstitious. They refused to allow her to visit  a doctor during an eclipse, despite me trying to explain to them in detail  due to which a miscarriage occurred.

Now I tried to understand these people who 're culturally conditioned to think that eclipses cause damage to the fetus when a pregnant woman moves or goes out. I tried to explain to them with patience that this 's not true.  But their severe fears brought by a life-time of beliefs made them reject my  rationale. The consequence? Loss of the fetus.

What did my understanding of these peoples' ignorance, culturally conditioned beliefs and the resultant  fears do to help my friend? Nothing!  Okay, it increased my patience towards them, because I patiently tried to explain the gravity of the situation to them. It increased my explaining capacity because I tried to give scientific reasons for eclipses and their disconnection to the pregnancy. 

But all this couldn't help my friend. In the end I really became impatient and told them I would take my friend to a doctor and they could do whatever they wanted to do. I made my friend get up from the bed but it was too late by then and my friend started bleeding and lost her pregnancy. My friend's mother-in-law blamed me and my friend for this because , she said, I made her get up from the bed during an eclipse!

What can thinking from others' point of view do in such situations? They helped me understand the superstitious people but it did't help me correct the situation and I felt miserable because my understanding made me very patient and this in turn resulted in loss of time in explaining to them in detail resulting in a disaster. No matter how much patience and understanding you show, some irrational people never listen.

Next time, I would be more careful and don't let my friend stay with her in laws during her pregnancy. I told this very clearly to my friend.

The lesson I learnt: Never waste your time with irrational people during emergencies by understanding and being patient with them.

Okay now let me move to highly qualified and irrational people. I know a professor who is a Ph.D. in Life Sciences, did his post-doctoral research in the US ( he boasts about it).

He deals with pseudo-science a lot. He tries to connect science with his beliefs and prop them up. He also preaches his pseudo-science and misleads others which, I think, is not good for the societies we live in. I tried to understand   because he came from a rural area and his parents 're very ignorant .  He was brought up by these uneducated people and surrounded by irrational people. So his thinking was conditioned by them.

But when I tried to tell him his thinking  is leading to pseudo-science, he totally rejected my argument. He told me, ''he knows what he is doing very clearly". 'Okay', I thought, 'his ego is making him refuse the argument of a ''woman who studied in India'''. 

He even refuses to acknowledge he is dealing with pseudo-science! My understanding and  patient explanations made no difference. He even teases me by saying he would ask the PM to make me a science and technology minister so that I could bring in my 'reforms' into the science education.

Hmmm!

The lesson I learnt: You can understand highly qualified  people and be patient with them  but cannot make the egoistic people realise the mistakes they are making! 

Now tell me what is the use of understanding these irrational and egoistic people? I can only keep myself away from them to avoid misery! 

Maybe I could also manipulate them in some way to make them do good things! I am now thinking of trying the second one! :) 

Silence and patience are not always good! Sometimes you have to shout, become impatient and  act fast to save people and situations!

Q: Why do very intelligent people do childish things sometimes?

Krishna: :) This is exactly what my friends and colleagues ask me because a part of my brain refused to grow and I still have a very child-like mentality. 

That awe about things around me, that playful mindset, asking questions about everything,  trying to explore and learn new things, craving for my parents' love, mischievous behaviour, a little bit of innocence and ...

Anybody who  reads all that I posted here think I have a very mature mind. And that I am always serious. 

But that is not real Krishna.

Maturity plus child-like mentality. This is real Krishna. 

Know what? That is why I am happy and carefree. Always. Everyday is a festival. Every moment is filled with play. I play a lot of games - both with people and situations. And when you win? Maybe always? That smile never  erases from my mind. That twinkle in my eyes never ceases to exist.

Every moment I learn new lessons. I earn new knowledge every second. Every challenge increases my confidence. All that confidence makes me more and more strong. Seriously all this makes me very happy.

Maturity+childishness = strength+knowledge+happiness

Q: Q: Why do people believe in pseudo-science, conspiracy theories and all sorts of rubbish?

Krishna: According to the analysis of psychologists (1),  in personality trait terms, believers tend to be lower in ‘intellectual humility’. Ignorance combined with overconfidence creates a fertile ground for unsubstantiated beliefs to take hold.

There is also a powerful emotional component to conspiracy theory beliefs, which helps explain why they can be so difficult to challenge. Believing in a widely discredited theory – and feeling part of a community of fellow believers – can help to satisfy some people’s need to feel special, according to research.

Studies have also shown believers are also more prone to anxiety and a sense that they lack control – feelings alleviated by subscribing to a conspiracy theory being spread with such apparent conviction by others.

Footnotes:

'1. https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/conspiracy-theories-bel...

Q: I feel being polite towards others even though they are bad is not possible always. Do you agree?

Q: How do you control your anger?

Krishna: I understand, being polite always is exhausting. It is not expressing your true nature and pretending to be good! Are pretentions good? 

But be polite as far as possible. But if the situations demand it, sometimes expressing your anger softly is okay. 

Nature has given us all so many emotions. Supressing them is not always good and increases stress on your mind. 

One of my colleagues told me he supresses his anger while he 's working outside with his boss and colleagues but goes home and explodes releasing his pent-up anger causing great discomfort to his wife and children! He is diverting his anger! That is not good too.

How do I control my anger? 

I am very frank and bold and tell what I exactly feel, very softly, to people. I never try to supress my feelings. I never pretend to be good. I don't care about what people say about me.

The first thing I do if I don't like something or somebody's actions is 'try to understand from others' point of view'. Then if I still don't like what I saw, I will say it no matter what. I don't know why but people respect what I tell them despite my straight-forwardness.  If they don't like it, they just keep quiet. They very well know the consequences of arguing with me. They know I just don't care about their criticism. They understand they can never win when they are dealing with evidence, facts, critical thinking, knowledge, science, and the rightful behaviour. They can fight, argue but can never win!

They feel helpless and temporarily  leave me.  It is they who have to control their feelings. They do. They come back after some time.  And everything becomes normal again.

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