Krishna: "Respect others' opinions" is a statement made to decrease tensions. To increase harmony.
Respecting others’ opinions is part of a larger attitude of respect. We are expected to develop respect for the whole person, not a single opinion. Respect for opinions is not an easy art at all. It requires self-esteem, self-control, sensitivity, tolerance, fairness, generosity and understanding capacity. And it applies both to stated opinions and to opinions that are unspoken.
People have some ways of showing disrespect for others because of what they think. One is by telling them that their opinions are crazy, stupid, worthless, etc. Another is by assuming that what we think must also be what they think.
Respecting others’ opinions does not mean being untrue to our own. It simply requires us to recognize that others are entitled to look at the world differently and that when they share their views with us, they can expect a fair hearing.
What we believe is an integral part of who we are. Therefore, we tend to perceive criticism directed at our opinions as rejection. When that happens, defensiveness and resentment can put an end to dialog. This means we should follow good protocols of agreement and, if possible and appropriate, do the following:
1. Save the core of someone else’s opinion even as you qualify your acceptance. Consider this: “Yes, I agree that what you say may be true in general, but there are circumstances when . . .”
2. Recognize that although you do not agree, what you hear is not unreasonable. Try this: “Indeed, that idea can be appealing, however, . . .”
3. Allow that if you knew more, your opinion might change. How about saying: “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem right, but perhaps there is more here than I am seeing at the moment.”
4. Make generous use of the metaphor of perspective. Take this approach: “Yes, but if you look at it from a different point of view. . .”
All these are forms of qualified disagreement which in most circumstances are preferable to absolute disagreement. Through them, you will usually manage to take the sting off your challenge.
If, however, the opinion in question is repugnant to you, feel free to reject it out right. “I’m sorry, I believe this is wrong.” “I disagree, I find this opinion offensive.” “You know, this really goes against my principles.”
The way we react when we do not agree depends on where we are, with whom, what we truly believe in, our training and what we are doing. We react differently when we are with our bosses than with our friends or family members.
Many speak as though their opinions were necessarily shared by everybody around them. This presumptive sharing can originate in simple lack of sensitivity or it can be a deliberate attempt to see the world only from our view.
I think the advice that we must respect others' opinions 'at all times' is done by people who don't know how to change others' bad opinions.
How do we genuinely show respect for someone who is so wrong about so many things? How do we show respect to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it?
When we choose to accept that every human is imperfect, we also ask why this imperfection? Why can't human beings, who are considered as more intelligent than others in the animal kingdom, try to gain perfectionism?
Some might not get the chance to do so. Some might not even have the ability to know that they have an imperfect thinking.
Just because we have more privileges, we cannot judge others from our stand point alone.
If we love people, we have to accept their imperfections too , people say.
They also say, we love anyway because in our differences, in stepping toward others, in listening to them and respecting them for who they are without trying to change them, we come closer to creating a more beautiful world.
"More beautiful world?"
There are certain criteria to decide which behaviours to tolerate or accept in a civilized society.
I know a person who treated women as ''cheap individuals". He ill treated his own wife. When a daughter was born to him, he blamed his wife for the gender of his child. He even ill treated his own daughter, just because she is 'female'.
Naturally I was appalled by his behaviour.
One day I had a big discussion with him. He told me girls and women should not be given freedom and independence as they made women bad. Many women became drunkards, smoking "...." ( I cannot use the word he used here) because of the unlimited freedom they got, he said.
'How can respecting such opinions create beautiful worlds? When women are ill-treated, disrespected, can the world become beautiful?', I thought.
Right, you should have an open mind to understand these people. But open minds don't make things easy. But still I tried to understand. This person must have encountered very bad experiences in his life. That conditioned his mind to think in this way. I must show him good experiences too to decondition his mind and change his opinion.
Then I said, " You know me for a long time. You very well know that I have unlimited freedom too. I am fiercely independent. Nobody controls me in any way. Now show me one bad thing I ever did. Even a small one will do. I will accept your argument".
He became silent. He tried to think. But waved his head in desperation. Because despite knowing me for several years, he couldn't find even a single fault with me.
"Do you know, you are the only woman I respect in my life? You have lots of knowledge. Like men", he said, "That is why you are good".
Hmmm!
'Like men?' I thought to myself. "If you have lots of knowledge, will you automatically become good?"
"Then all male professors and scientists must be good without any exceptions". But that argument and topic can be used some other day. I will save it for another occasion.
I told him then, " Total freedom and independence don't make women bad. I was taught good values with tender care by my parents before giving me these things. If you instill your daughter with good ethics with love and affection, no matter how much freedom you give her, she will never deviate from her good path. On the other hand, if you neglect her, like you are doing now, she might not become as 'good' as you want her to be.
Be good to your daughter, wife and all women. Respect them. This changes your whole world. One day you might change this opinion of yours too, if you do that. Let us try this, I will help you".
He reluctantly agreed, out of respect for me.
This happened a few years back. Now this person has a changed opinion about women.
I am glad I brought this change in him.
How? Despite not respecting his opinion, I tried to understand him. I worked with him with patience.
There are several ways to make this world beautiful. You can choose one of them.
Q: How did you cope with the realization that people are not rational?
Krishna: You have to live with all sorts of people in this world. We try to understand.
The reasons for people not being rational are many.
Some people don’t even know what thinking rationally means.
Some didn’t get opportunity to learn to think rationally.
Some don’t even have enough knowledge to assist in this form of thinking.
Some don’t have the courage to leave their comfort zones.
Some are not allowed to do this by vested interests.
Some ‘re conditioned to think rationality is not good for them.
Whatever the reason is, majority of the people are irrational.
We are trying to reverse this situation by providing assistance, knowledge, teaching the processes involved and do everything possible to make people rational.
Let us see how much we can succeed.
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