Q: I married my boyfriend. But after the marriage he says he cannot change his irritating ways. He turned out to be very short-tempered and argumentative. My mother-in-law says I should love a man as he is and should not expect him to compromise on certain things and expect him to change at this stage.
Then should I compromise on my peace of mind? Should I accept his quarrelling nature and suffer as a result?
Now I regret marrying him. What should I do now? I am very stressed and highly confused.
Krishna: A good marriage works well only if both people try to understand each others' concerns and try to adjust and adapt. Asking only one person to compromise leads to your type of situation.
Your husband too has a responsibility towards the marriage. If he refuses to correct his irritating ways, it means he is not willing to work on his behaviour.
Now that you are already married to him, he thinks he can easily avoid the hard part.
He might have covered his bad behaviour while dating you. That is why you are more distressed now after finding out about his true nature.
Do all relationships count towards boosting your longevity? Not quite. In fact, researchers ask you to cut out problematic relationships – or at least to gracefully deprioritise them.
This can be easier said than done because we tend to pay more mental attention to stressful relationships.
But if you want to lower your biological age, this is one bad habit worth breaking.
In February 2026, a study from the US found that negative social ties with people who add stress to our lives literally age both our minds and bodies.
According to the researchers, 30 per cent of us have ‘hasslers’ in our lives – people who create problems and generally make life more difficult. Hasslers can cause chronic stress, which in turn breeds inflammation and makes it harder to make healthy lifestyle choices. These relationships were even associated with a higher risk of multimorbidity (having at least two long-term health conditions).
If we have more than one hassler in our circles, the ill-effects are cumulative – with each one speeding up biological ageing by 1.5 per cent (adding around nine months to your age).
Your husband can try and control himself now too if he really loves you and wants you to be happy. But he is not even attempting it and asking you to put up with it.
He undoubtedly needs counselling.
Take him to trained coaches.
Professional counsellors, therapists, and counselling psychologists help individuals navigate personal and life challenges.
People need professional counsellors to navigate overwhelming life challenges, mental health struggles, to deal with antisocial and complex behaviours and complex emotional pain safely.
Key Reasons for Counselling
Mental Health Conditions: Managing symptoms of Anxiety and Depression or other psychological distress.
Life Transitions: Adjusting to major changes like grief, divorce, career shifts, or family issues.
Trauma Recovery: Processing painful past experiences and breaking self-defeating behavioural patterns.
Coping Skills: Developing healthy emotional regulation and practical problem-solving strategies.
Self-Awareness: Cultivating self-love and building a more positive self-image.
Communication: Improving interpersonal relationships and conflict resolution abilities.
Consider these Professionals
Counsellors: Focus on practical, present-day problem-solving, life transitions, and coping strategies.
Therapists / Psychotherapists: Explore deeper behavioural and emotional patterns to address long-standing stress, grief, or relationship concerns.
Counselling Psychologists: Diagnose and treat emotional or psychological difficulties through specialized talk therapy.
Finding Support in Hyderabad
You can search on line to get the contact details of the counsellors.
But first you have to convince your husband to consult the counselling specialists. Hope you can do that.
Permalink Reply by Dr. Krishna Kumari Challa
