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Parents, don't be selfish and spoil your children's lives

by Dr. Krishna Kumari Challa

Jul 23

Q: I am a 27 year-old unmarried person. My parents and other family members are forcing me to get married to my cousin. My mother's health is not good and people are making that an issue to get me married soon.  It seems my mother gave her word to her brother that she would make her niece her daughter-in law. But I don't like marrying my cousin  as her nature and mine are different. I won't be happy with her. 

My uncle, the girl's father, is my maternal uncle. He and my maternal grandfather and grandmother  say it is my duty, as a good son, and grandson,  to make my parents and other family members happy by listening to them. If I can't fulfil my duty as a member of the family , the whole family will feel sad and suffer and they say that I have no right to do that. If I marry my cousin, even she won't be happy as I cannot give her my full love. I am under severe pressure. What should I do?

Krishna: Hmmm! People heap never ending praises on the Indian family system. But  I have my reservations on this topic. 
Let me tell you why.
First of all, without taking a boy or girl's consent or opinion into account, how can anyone give 'word' just like that? Just because they brought you into this world and brought you up, your parents have no right to spoil your life. 
Second, marrying cousins is not at all the correct choice and science doesn't support it. 
Third, nobody, not even your family members and close relatives, can ask you to sacrifice your life to make them 'happy'. Do they want to build their abode of happiness on the river of your tears? How shaky that abode will become, then?
Four, neither you nor your cousin will be happy with this  marriage. When you both are not happy, how can your family members be happy? That is a myth. 
Five, their whole assumption is you will get 'adjusted' after your marriage. That need not always be true. What if you cannot adapt to each other's natures? You keep squabbling all the time. That is not a good scenario. How can your children be brought up in such a negative atmosphere? 
Six, both the bride and bride-groom must accept whole-heartedly to get into a bond. Otherwise, that relationship will not give you happiness. You have to take reality into consideration while making life's important decisions. 
So when you take all these things into consideration, if you don't like marrying your cousin, be firm and tell your parents and other family members very strongly that you will not marry her. It is your life and nobody, not even  your parents, has any right to spoil your happiness for the sake of their prestige and pride. 
You have only one life and you have every right to live it in the way you want. You need not sacrifice your life and happiness for others if you don't want to. Period!
Your parents will realize their mistake of expecting 'too much' from their children. 
This might sound harsh to parents but let me tell you -  you have lived your life happily that is about to come to an end soon , and please don't spoil your son's whole life for your temporary satisfaction, remaining short life  and happiness. That makes you very selfish!
Q: I am 45 years old. I have no children and have never been married. What is the point to being here?
Krishna: There are several children in this world who need love and help. How about providing them these things and making your life more meaningful? Think about that.

Words like ‘your children, ‘my children’ or ‘others’ children’ have no meaning in the universe’s language. Children are children and you can make all the children in this world your’s too if you have a universal outlook.