Q: How should we take criticism? I am a very sensitive person. I feel very bad whenever somebody criticizes me.
Krishna: Criticism can be good too. It depends on the intention behind criticism and your ability to understand it.
There are constructive criticisms which are very good for your growth as a person.
Then there are destructive criticisms which degrade you as a person.
Each one has to be dealt with according to the nature of the criticism.
Criticism from our dear parents, siblings, close friends, and other well wishers shouldn't be taken as bad ones because the main intention of such criticism is to make you correct your course and get you on the right track.
Whenever somebody criticises you, think about it. Think critically by removing all biases, fallacies and distortions. If you find the criticism correct, then accept it with humility and try to correct yourself. This is good for your own progress.
On the other hand some people will criticize you out of hatred, jealousy and with the bad intention of degrading you as a human being. If you, after a thorough thought, think this is the type of criticism you are facing, you need not take it seriously. If the person persists with the criticism, just close the door and keep the criticism out. On social media, block, mute and unfriend such people. Because they rob a sensitive person of his or her peace of mind. If they are your relatives or friends, maintain distance from such people.
Don't fight but keep them away from you. They will understand your intention.
Q: Q: Yesterday while greeting me on the occasion of women's day , somebody sent me the message of Sudha Murthy. The message says, "Having good relationships, passion and peace of mind is much more important than achievements, degrees, money or awards". What do you think? Should we women forget about education and awards?
Krishna: Opinions! They need not be right all the time.
That must be Sudha Murthy's opinion.
But education, good position, having economic independence, and recognition are important too to a woman. Who says having these things stop you from having good relationships, passion and peace of mind?
Modern women are a wonderful combination of several things. Saying that just having only half is more important than the other half is not correct. It is against the very spirit of celebrating women's day.
Q: I want to divorce my wife. I had fever for three days when I took covid vaccination. My parents looked after me. My wife didn't take leave from her work to look after me then. She doesn't care about me. What do you think?
Krishna: Oh my! You want to divorce your wife for such a trivial issue?
Ok, ok, this might not be minor to you. You might have been hurt. But .... there are other things too to consider from your wife's view point.
A man takes leave only when he is ill. But a woman has to take leave from work when not only she is ill but also when her children are ill, parents are ill, husband is ill, mother or father-in- law is ill because that is what is expected of her.
If she has an uncooperative boss what will she do? Taking leave from work so many times becomes difficult. Nobody allows you to take 'more leave' because you are a woman.
A woman has to work as hard as any man in an office. Sometimes more hard to earn the same positions and promotions. That 's why, several women told me, they forgo these things, severely stunting their careers. That is why some cultures tell women not to be ambitious! To make them obey their family traditions of looking after everybody!
But people like me forget about our genders. Because we have to go out with men to collect samples, for field trips, conferences. When the experiments demanded it, I stayed several times in the lab whole night or late into the night.
Sometimes I work for 48 hours in a day! Like any man in the same position. During important conferences and experiments, we can't take leave even if we fall ill!
But still when somebody at home is ill, I try to take care of them, I even set up a lab to work from home!
Not every woman can do this, work from home, I mean.
Can't you see the helplessness of your wife? You want the money she earns but refuse to understand her and cooperate with her. Do you think a woman does this deliberately?
You have your parents with you but still you want your wife to take leave from work to look after you!
I think your wife doesn't deserve an uncooperative husband like you. Go ahead and divorce her! Atleast she can then have peace of mind.
Q: Several times you tell people to think from others view points too. Why? We are unique individuals.
Each person thinks from his own point of view. If we think from others view points too, how can we be the special individuals that we are?
Krishna: If we try to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, we become more special!
Before judging someone, you must understand his experiences, challenges, conditioning of mind, thought processes, etc. Viewing things from everybody's angles gives us more options to solve problems that arise in our day to day lives. This makes things easy. Our egos will be controlled. We develop humbleness. We get clarity in our perception. Taking decisions becomes a walk in the park. Our relationships and friendships with others improve.
Our lives become more interesting and joyful. We put ourselves in more unique positions.
Q: One of my friends has recently told me that he 's gay. I was too shocked to say anything. Since the day he revealed his secret I started avoiding him. I am worried I too will become like him if I continue my friendship with him. What should I do now? Should I leave him completely?
Krishna: You are asking me this Q? Then this is my reply:
It is your friend's life. It is his choice. It is none of our business to say anything in this regard.
If you leave him for his life's choices, you are no friend at all.
I can understand, your 'conditioning of mind' is responsible for this shock of yours. Try to come out of those constraints. There is a wide world outside of yours. Go see it and try to understand others' views and choices.
If you are worried about your future, then there is no clarity in you about your own choices. You don't have confidence in yourself.
Try to build your character first. Then such situations don't arise. In order to build character in anything, you need to first notice what you are struggling with.
You have problems with conditioning of mind. You have problems with self-discipline. You have problems in understanding people. You have problems in accepting life's realities.
Work in these areas and improve your personality. Then you will be able to negotiate such situations easily.
Q: My parents want me to become a doctor. My lecturers are advising me to go for chartered accountancy. My friends want me to follow them to the engineering college. My uncle wants me to become a businessman. Which one should I choose?
Krishna: Don't you have your own interests? If you follow what others tell you to do, you will become a sculpture shaped by the society. You won't be able to engage with the subject sincerely. You will lose interest very soon.
Just follow what your own heart and mind tell you to do. Not what others want you to do.
Q: I am some sort of celebrity. People are attacking my family members for the choices I make. Why is this?
Krishna: Hmmm! Let me tell you a real story.
I have two physicist friends. They attack pseudo-science. They educate people, like I do, and make people realize the difference between genuine and pseudo-science. People who practice pseudo-science think this will effect their money earning capabilities if people come to know the truth. So they attack these two physicists like they attack me.
But there is a difference. These people attack one of the physicist's girl friend and another one's wife too. They use very derogative language while doing this. My physicist friends 're very unhappy. They say to me, "If these people have complaints, they should settle their scores with us. Why do they attack our wives and girl friends?"
I told my friends to their utter shock, "You yourselves are responsible for this situation".
They were taken aback! "In what way?" , they asked me.
And this 's my explanation to them:
"Why do you mention frequently your wives and girl friends? Why do you promote them publicly? Why do you post pictures of them on social media very often? Why do you bring them into the public domain very frequently?
You are making them public figures. You are not hiding anything from the general public. Your lives are open books now. Your wives and girl friends are as famous as you are now and therefore exposed to exploitation.
You are telling others they are very important to you. So people think if they attack them, you will get affected too and stop doing what you do."
Have you realized your mistake now? Keep your family members away from the public if you don't want such things to happen.
Q: Dr. Krishna, I am a 22 year old middle-class girl, doing my PG. I am mad about a TV and film hero. I always think and dream about him and want to marry him. He is good-looking, daring and dashing. I feel I can't live without him. But this hero is not responding to my messages. My parents want me to get married to one of my relatives now. What should I do?
Krishna: Why should a hero respond to some x,y,z's mad messages?
I call them 'mad' because you fell for a screen image, not a real person.
Have you seen him in real life? NO!
You have seen only a made-up face. You have seen only a digitally interfered figure, noise-reduced and photoshopped face.
Have you ever seen the shooting of a film? Do you know how much prompting these heroes and heroines get? Most of them can't even deliver a dialogue in one stretch and can't take scenes in single shots. Some use special effects. Some of them even use dupes (in fighting scenes), and voice artists (dubbing).
Their dialogues will be written by script and story writers. Their acting figures will be drawn by directors.
In real life they won't be anything like their screen images. Haven't you heard how rude and bad some of them behave in public life?
Haven't you heard their wives and girl-friends complaining about some of these actors?
Most of them will not be heroes in real life. They will be like ordinary men on the street.
Oh yes, they do have countless money, name and fame and lead luxurious lives. But why would a film hero consider marrying someone like you?
When you have a crush on someone, the last thing you will care about is the reality.
Come out of these delusions and meet reality.
Having crushes is normal. But don't make those crushes dictate your destiny.
Q: Why are smarter people weirder?
Krishna: It's not so much that smart people are weirder. It's more like people who aren't smart are dull. They often lack imagination. So when they see someone expressing that imagination, it goes over their heads. When unintelligent people encounter something they don't understand, they often (there are exceptions to every rule) respond negatively. They either fear it, or call it “weird,” and make fun of it.
Perhaps what you deem as “weird” is simply a different style of thinking.
Smarter people spend less time trying to “fit in”. Smarter people are just too occupied with far more interesting pursuits than pleasing a bunch of cliquers preoccupied with how good their dress looks.
Smarter people are more or less happy with themselves or at least with being themselves doing what they’re doing, so they don’t feel compelled to morph according to the tastes and convenience of others and, in fact, consider it not very smart to do so.
In the case of intelligence, highly intelligent people like to try new things to check them out. Some of those new things are very far off the beaten path (a.k.a. weird to average minds).
Humans are herd animals and they are happiest when they belong in the herd.
But being highly intelligent is being very different!
And I don't mind being distinct at all!
Q: Why don't people like hard work, especially in this part of the world?
Krishna: Majority of people do hard work too - from morning till evening, they work in the hot Sun. But when you can lead a good and joy-filled life with minimum qualifications and work, why don't people take it? Why do they spend their life on hard work? Some peoples' brains are wired like that.
A small minority love doing 'very hard work' day and night and think it is thrilling. It is these people who drive progress.
It is the way one thinks, one's mind is conditioned, one's (desperate) situation that dictate things.
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