Humor.... Have You Smiled Today?

> This was posted on a homeschool message board and thought you
> might enjoy it.

> Here are some of the questions that keep me awake at night
> You think English is easy???
>
> Read to the end . .. .. a new twist
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce .
>
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
> time to present the present .
>
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>
> 10) I did not object to the object.
>
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ..
>
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line..
>
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>
> 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>
> 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>
> 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

> Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
> eggplant,nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
> weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are
> candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for
> granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
> slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
> Guinea nor is it a pig.
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
> and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why
> isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
> index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
> of them, what do you call it?
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
> vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all
> the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
> insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship
> by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
> wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
> language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill
> in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
> English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
> creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
> is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
> lights are out, they are invisible.
>
> PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?